San Diego borders of Mexico

Well, my beau and i went to San Diego for the weekend. We jettison down on Saturday nite and stayed in Carlsbad. The palm trees and sandy beaches in San Diego was a welcome home delight. Lots of sun and surf with drinks in hand.

Week Update

Somehow when you try to wrap up things, it seems to have many more loose ends. Selling a house is a pain when the house has no appeal on the outside. It looks like a neglected barn-only an owner would love. The only thing going for it is its large rooms.

I cut my hand with glass yesterday; no not on purpose, i would have gone with the cartoid at the neck, much more effective job. An on-the-job injury, and not an ounce of sympathy from my boss-waaaaaaaaaahhhhh. Where's my workers comp? My boyfriend asks how it is healing. I guess i will brave it on my own.

Then my bf finally says the 3 words...I love you. How much weight does those 3 words mean?

Finally, out of self pity I went shopping online. I bought a D&B handbag for fall. There. I feel so much better.

Dont Cha...Dont you want me?

Funny song with such a cool beat, actually majority of the songs on the album have cool beats!
Life is about having fun sometimes sweet fun and other times kinky stuff...not too wild now.
So with that, I send out this song to all the fun loving girls and gals!! Have an absolutely mega weekend, run, walk, kiss, dance, the nite away and enjoy your weekend...10/08/05.

Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls (now replace gf with bf or whatever)

Oh, baby dolls I know you like me (I know you like me) I know you do (I know you do)
Thats why whenever I come around shes all over you
And I know you want it (I know you want it) It's easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind I know you should be home with me
[Chorus]Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me Dont cha, dont cha
Fight the feeling (fight the feeling) Leave it alone (leave it alone)
Cause if it aint love It just aint enough to leave a happy home
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly) You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See, I dont care But I know she aint gon' wanna share
[Chorus]Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha , babyDont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha I know I'm on your mind I know we'll have a good time
I'm your friend I'm fun And I'm fine I aint lying
Look at me, you aint blind [2x]
See, I know she loves you (I know she loves you) I understand (I understand)
I'd probably be just as crazy about you If you were my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime) Possibly (possibly)
Until then, Oh friend your'e secret is safe with me
[Chorus]

Dido white flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
Love L'amour it turns from red/passionate to black, and it bleeds but it is still there, hiding somewhere. I know that when i value someone, it goes beyond borders.Married or not. Genderless. It is the human spirit. It is who that person stand for. What makes that person unique.

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
Someone told me to own up to my mistakes. My mistake for loving that person. For listening. For wanting that person to feel.
My other mistake was staying around. Helping my other ex. Then having to clean up her mess. There is no such thing as returning with your ex, when its over, its over for a reason. When you were with her you were miserable. She knew it too. She couldnt be trusted from the beginning. She was lost.

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will, all that was there, will be there still.
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think That I've moved on.
Love, is love, it never really goes away. It can be beautified. It can be cheapened. And when it does, you should leave. You have that right. You dont want to feel used. You dont beg for a love that is no longer worth it. You must walk away, head held up high. You gave it your best shot. It was not meant to be.

Logic thinking

I met someone last year who made an impact on my life...sometimes not in the best way. But she made me stop and think about my reasoning process and how well it stood up. It was like I was taking a college logical thinking philosophy class all over again.

So it popped into my mind about circular logic...the concept that one uses a conclusion as a premise to support the conclusion. For example, God exists because the bible states it. The bible is a reliable source because it is the word of God.

Other logical fallacies preside, and must be made aware of and avoided. Only then can one be a better communicator and win over an argument.

One such types are discontinuity...if one premise occurs, then another premise will take place.
1. Parallel incidents: when I do this, this happens. This does not mean, one is the cause of the other event. It all could be incidental.
2. Slippery slope: if one event occurs, all other events are likely to occur: if Vietnam becomes communist govt, surrounding countries will soon become communistic.
3. Two wrongs make a right: if a few folks violate, then it must be ok. For instance, if a bunch of cars speed on the freeway (breaking a moving law), then its okay for everyone to drive that speed to keep up.
4. Wrong analogy: using the wrong analogy to get comparison needed for logic but actually, the analogy does not work well.
5. Affirming the obvious: Two if and then statements. However, it may not be connected but a leap of conclusion. If one is 16, then one can drive in Wisconsin. I saw you drive in Wisconsin, then you must be at least 16.
6. Denial of the antecedent: Also using two if and then statements with negation of the "if" part, to negate the "then" result. If the ozone layer is destroyed, then many will get cancer. If the ozone layer is not destroyed, then people will not get cancer.

Value System

The principles of right and wrong that are accepted by an individual or a social group.

A value is an entity, situation, or condition that you consistently strive to acquire and keep.

The fact is that the more we commit our time and money to something , the more we apparently value it.
Knowing your own value system and then finding someone to match your own value system lead to a successful relationship.

What are your values? did you choose it freely? not because of your peer, religion, or family influence. did you consider it fully and carefully with all its options? do you consistently carry out this value day-to-day? How is it tested daily?

Life values: health and exercise and good eating habits. sense of accomplishment. open and fair minded. mental learning. spiritual learning. creative and healthy endeavors. protecting the environment. respecting the rights of others.

Relation values: honesty leads to trust. fidelity, love, and respect. loyalty and defense.

work values:honesty and integrity. creativity and challenging. resourceful and flexibility.

Financial values: taking care of what you have. wanting what you need. being debt free. planning for future potential money worries.

To value what is important in your life: education, punctuality, efficiency, money saving, family support, Integrity and Honor in word and action, Completion of a task.

Selfish

This past week I came across the idea of selfishness...as I sat and talked to close friends. One, I have known over 7 years, she is strong and willful; the other is someone I have recently gotten to know more closely.
Selfishness...putting yourself ahead of another person, for your own agenda, neglecting the other persons needs or wants.
She held on to me so she could pick and choose. And when she was done, she left me hanging with her mess. I will not tolerate such puerile from my siblings and certainly not from someone whom I no longer consider family. She was a waste of my time and patience.
So my exs are finally my exs, and my roomie is finally my ex roomie. They will be erased from my memory and anything we shared will be gone. I do not let go but once someone have ruined my trust with them, it is not possible to forgive and mend fences. We have grown in different directions and have different outlooks and values. Peeps are selfish, they ask you to stay in their lives for their own benefits, not a symbiotic relation of give and take. They use you and dis you. They create havoc and do not care if they leave messes emotionally or physically. I am not your mommy. I do not wipe your butt or your face, they look the same either way. Grow up and take a look at what you have done. You have lied to yourself. You have lowered yourself, become subhuman, yet claim to remain the same. You have become your worse enemy. You do not know who you are. You will fall apart and lose in the end because you have no substance. You are weak. You do not have compassion and love. You have gone astray.

Recap of Sexuality

As I contemplated my sexual encounters over the last five years or so...i was quite discouraged...after speaking with a guy I once loved. He came up twice for a booty call, and twice I blew him off. Lets face it, if I ever loved him, its over now. He threw me precariously to the winds when his wife pulled in his chain. He thinks of us as friends with benefits. I think he is selfish. Having his home and cake and eating it too. He thinks I am loose. He was the second person I ever loved. My first love was gentle. The third guy I never understood. Then my fourth, well cheated and lied to my heart. And now, I am 35. I had three quick affairs to satisfy my curiousity-one I will always appreciate and flattered. She was a nurse. To me sleeping with someone, actually means to sleep. To others it means having sex.

My family, my upbringing, my church, my friends influence my value system. I have learnt to accept my sexual desires and control it with masturbation. Now all I want is to lead a happy and undramatic life. Its about peace and not getting involved with folks who do not know what they want out of life and who the other person is. Love is seeing someone for who they really are and accepting them. Loving them for it. Not expecting change. I think I am complicated.

Missing you

Trust/honesty and respect and attraction build a relationship. Values sustain it. Do I miss my exs? Yes, some, more than others. Do I miss my current bf when he is away from me? Time will tell, the heart will ache when we are apart. The waiting will be an abyss. When I see him, does my heart skip a beat and race a mile a min? Does he make my world a better place? Do I long to be near him? Do I long to hear his voice? Do I long to be intimate with him? To feel him inside of me? Do I remember him, what he smells like, taste like? Questions that I must put to the test.

BBQ galore

This past week and end were spectacular. It started when we, my sis, bf and I, discovered this all-you-can-eat restaurant, Espetus Churrascaria, in the City (SFO), on Market and Gough. A Carnivore delight, Brazilian style, where the tender skewer meats-pork, chicken, prime beef, lamb, shrimp, (pineapple)- are circulated table-to-table and sliced off with a saber, by gauchos. The cost is $28 per person. We also ordered caipirinha, a Brazilian cachaca white rum daiquiri drink, followed by creme de leite dessert. Yummy! To top off the nite, I took my bf to my fav Karoake hangout (I have only taken one other person there). We had a blast! The performers were hilarious! :) The next day, I had another abstract due for a scientific meeting in September. I guess this will be good practice, since I will be transferring to Regulatory Affairs (working with FDA) come this fall. By Friday, work was play, when we had a summer picnic and baseball game with co-workers. Friday nite was delivery of card and orchids for a friend whose mother recently passed away. Thai food was consumed rather rapidly before we attended Pinter's play at Stanford Pigott Theater. I fell asleep during the performance. ZZZZZzzzzzz!! (I hope the concert I am going to this coming week will be mucho better!) Saturday afternoon we headed towards Vn Tully Town for some authentic Bun Bo Hue, dessert, and Vn music. Later we went to see The Wedding Crasher, overall entertaining movie. I also rented D.E.B.s, In Good Company, and Be Cool. Obviously, I have lots of time to spare early morning or late at nite. Sunday was a visit to a friends house for 10am breakfast, then mass service with EJ, lobster prep and cooking in spicy tamarind sauce, and mini-golfing with my cousins into the twilight. The wrap up was playing BJ with EJ. I ended the nite with a call to my father and to my bf to wish them a good nite. I am grateful for my wonderful life, full of love and happiness. I take stock by summarizing and thanking God for a memorable, safe and drama free weekend.

The questions that popped into my consciousness this weekend...
Why do I feel so lost when I attended mass service?
Have I lost touch with my God and his teachings?
Why do I shy away from human contact and deep feelings of intimacy?
When you first meet someone, you say hi, how are you, you make mental note of what make them different and if you want them to be a part of your life. With spending time together talking, sharing meals together, inviting them out for outings, introducing them to your family; they become an integral part of your life. You know what they are like, what they like or not, what are their up and down days. You give them love and support. You treat them with respect and sensitivity. You finally call them your friend. I have two new friends, one Vn and one Indian. They are sweet women, who are sensitive and kind, and we share our lives and trust each other.

Even a monkey can play golf

Can you teach ole me new tricks?
I am in my 30s yet I continue to learn new skills.
A few of my lifetime accomplishments include...
getting a turkey from bowling 3 strikes in a row,
scuba diving 100ft below and underwater cave exploration,
sewing elegant dresses for the symphony and opera,
publishing scientific research papers and posters,
cooking gourmet dinner for all my friends,
changing my car's oil and brake pads,
installing tiles and laminate floorings,
writing up my own business plan,
investing wisely to get 300% return,

things I still hope to achieve in my life
finding someone who appreciates me
kissing someone for 2days straight
making a wedding cake with lots of edible flowers

Short of Expectations

To Grow you must change your outlook and stamina in life...
To Change you must be willing to ask questions and find concrete ways to change...
To Change you must step outside yourself and find answers beyond your scope...
To Change you must look for weaknesses and be conscientious to change...

Why do I tend to look for hope from others and not myself?
When things do not go my way, why do I spiral towards negativity?
Do I tend to give up on life too soon?
Can I co-exist as an idealist and realist?
Am I talented? What are my talents?
Am I confident in my abilities? What are my abilities?
Am I quick to respond? Are my responses appropriate and logical?
What can I work on, to be a better person?
thoughtfulness and sensitivity, paying attention to details, observe and take notes.
Am I romantic? Am I a good lover?
Am I a good friend? Do I offer help when a friend asks?
Do I compliment and make others feel good being around me?
Do I weigh more on disappointments than enjoyment?
Do I listen and apply what others ask of me?

Scarecrow: That's the trouble. I can't make up my mind. I haven't got a brain. Only straw.
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know. Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?Dorothy: Yes, I guess you're right.

If I only had a heart. I'd be tender, I'd be gentle.
And awful sentimental.
Regarding love and art, I'd be friends with the sparrows
And the boy that shoots the arrows, If I only had a heart

Dorothy: Lions?
Scarecrow: And tigers?
Tin Man: And bears!
Dorothy: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Dorothy: Shame on you!
Lion (earnestly sobbing): What did you do that for? I didn't bite him.
Dorothy: No, but you tried to. It's bad enough picking on a Straw Man but when you go around picking on poor little dogs...
Lion: Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did ya? Is my nose bleeding?
Dorothy: Well, of course not. My goodness. What a fuss you're making.
[The Lion dabs his tear-filled eyes with the tip of his wavering tail] Well, naturally when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!
Lion (sobbing): You're right. I am a coward. I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself. Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks.
Tin Woodsman: Why don't you try counting sheep?
Lion: That doesn't do any good. I'm afraid of 'em.

Oh! You cursed brat. Look what you've done. I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness. Oh, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm going. Oh. Oh.

Dorothy is confronted by the head of the Winkies: "She's dead. You killed her."
"Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!" Dorothy is presented with the defunct witch's broomstick after freeing herself and her friends - she turns excitedly to them: "Now we can go back to the Wizard and tell him the Wicked Witch is dead."

Why, anybody can have a brain. They think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have! You're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others. They had those leadership qualities inside from the very start - but they hadn't looked deep enough to find them.In a self-revelation, she realizes that everything she could ever have wanted was right in her own backyard - IF she had wanted it hard enough. [She relinquishes the miracle-working power of the Wizard - he has floated away - and relies upon her own power and personality to find her independent identity and way home. By returning to the Gale home after fantasizing about the enchanting world beyond and experiencing it along the Yellow Brick Road, she has confronted her childhood fears and grown up emotionally with strength enough to meet her adult future. In some ways, the journey was as rewarding as the accomplishment of her goal.] Glinda reveals the meaning of the ruby slippers - they will carry her (and Toto) back.

I hope you dance by LAWomack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance (time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance (rolling us along)
I hope you dance (tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance (where those years have gone)

Life is about changes; it is about risk taking; it is about planning for your future; it is about the one who makes you laugh and understands you; it is about commitment and hope and staying on course til you achieved your dreams. It is about love, hope and faith in one another.

Sappy romantic songs

They Long to Be Close to You by The Carpenters
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be close to you
On the day that you were born the angels got together
and decided to create a dream come true.
So they sprinkled moon-dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be close to you

Oompa lumpa and NC and EFG

This is my first post with pix. I do not like to post personal pictures, but I think these pix from yahoo search will be alright. This weekend promises to be sensational because we are again going to our 5* Jardiniere, then to the SF Symphony, starring Natalie Cole. But before that is E's birthday and we are having a cool pool party for his friends, of course, his favorite cousine is invited. For Sunday outing we are going to see the oompa lumpas in Charlie n the Chocolat Factory movie. I first saw this movie as a kid, where Gene Wilder is Willa Wonka and the kid who played Charlie is so convincing. Lets see how this one compares. The movie reminds me of Candyland game, the Wizard of Oz munchkins, and the wholesomeness of Mary Poppins and Peter Pan. Not only are the latest and modern technology applied in this movie but also funky retro accessories like white spectacles. Maybe I should go find some of those before the show.

The Prayer takes my breathe away

"The Prayer"
I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che tu dai
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restera
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita
La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child
Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede cheHai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

Broadway Bravo!

This past weekend was fantastic! (Well, the fact that my psyche is healthy and upbeat is a good sign). We went out to see two movies on Friday nite jsut bec I wanted to ...Fantastic Four and War of the Worlds. Saturday was shopping and sewing wrap up. I bought my guy a shirt and tie, and sewed an oriental dress to match his color scheme. I added little touches like dragonfly buttons and a underneath lining of yellow mango to my dress. I must admit I was stunning in my Asian two piece, with a little skin expose around the waist, green heels, jade earrings, long nails and hair do. We had dinner at the Jardiniere; the duck entree is sooo perfect, chased down with a glass of apple martini. As the evening rolled in, off to the symphony we went. The performance was absolutely magnificent. Three singers and the SF orchestra belting Broadway hits. It ended with Phantom of the Opera theme song. For a nitecap we had strawberry and creme dessert with glasses of champagne.

Sunday was spent relaxing and reading in bed-Madame Albright and Hotel Rwanda; organizing stuff, and then having lunch with my Vn priest at Vung Tau in San Jose before visiting Frys. He pops into my life once or twice a year to check on my soul and keep me on my toes; He is my guardian angel. We chat about life and I am reminded that I must be accountable for my actions. Am I leading a healthy and holy life?? I work, I dont sleep around, I focus on family life, I try out new hobbies/sports, cook gourmet, travel and study. But once awhile I get naughty or at least think about it. What is a girl going to do for the next 30 years? Not be tempted? I am human. Overall I lead a good life. I try to set good examples for others, and stay true to my inner being, to be an instrument of faith and hope and love for others. I believe in the goodness of others, the virtues of honesty and faith in greater power.

Sunday nite was church service where the sermon was about communication in relationships. It brings us closer emotionally, it informs us. We call and talk simply without purpose. To spend time and energy with someone and open up our own horizon. We develop relationships and enrich our lives with God and persons in our lives.

The start of July

Waaahhhh July is here, that means half the year is gone. More planning before year ends.

Wow! Updates in my life...the first part of my year was spent wrapping up the past year 2004. It was a painful process. I don't know if I am ready to go through that again. I have moved on.

Looking for healthy ways to occupy my energy. I have gained a wonderful person to be a part of my life. He has his own place. He has a job. He understands me. He is so clean. He is funny and smart. I have met his mother-two persons family. He doesn't have issues. Why are guys smarter and less complicated at the same time?

I spent July 4th with my cousins. I went to Reno to gamble with a nun. We won prizes at circus circus.

My car is now equipped with an IPOD and GPS system. I need to buy a top rack for my bike and skiboard.

My trip to Vietnam is cancelled. My trip to Greece is still on. yahhooooo!

Enrique Iglesias»
Hero
I like this song, afterall I am an idealist. To sweep a girl off her feet and be her hero. All she has to do is: Amaze me. Keep me. Feed me.

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back?
Would you cry if you saw me crying?
Would you save my soul tonight?
Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Now would you die for the one you love?

Hold me in your arms tonight.
I can be your hero baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You take my breath away.

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.

IPod

Whenever I visit a Mac store in PA town, I love it, just love it! White is so in for the summer! The aliens have landed in Mac town with odd looking stereo surround sounds!

I succumbed and bought an IPod to go with my SAV X3-road trip vehicle. Ohh so many songs, so little time. I downloaded over 500 songs n still going strong! from classic piano music to Vietnamese folk music, from Matchbox 20 to No Doubt, from rap to country sonnets.

I listen for lingering words to identify with: "to be in love, to dance with someone, to feel pain and pleasure, to look deeply into someones eyes, to whisper sweetnothings, to kiss for hours in darkness, to sweat under salty drips, to lay under the stars, to create memories, sweet memories, to laugh so hard, to want and need someone, to be in love."

A Week in SDiego

Two things I took away from my trip down south...
(1) How much my cousin Tig has grown up.
(2) Finding the goodness in certain individuals
Tigger is now a sensitive and caring individual yet finding his stand in life-what a wonderful way to grow from adolescent into adulthood. I think we started to bond after I helped him write a paper last year. We talked more often on the phone and we would sit and listen each other while we were together. We ran a few miles on the the beach (which was a wonderful feeling), explored the pier and lifeguard tower together, and had dinner overlooking the La Jolla Cove. We watched "Batman Begins." The following nite we were down by the gaslamp district and had dinner at Octupus Garden, with tastes he never had before like tempura, sashimi, and firecracker shrimp. After school ended for the summer, we would hang out at the beach or the bookstore together. We even went to Hollywood together, for a 2 hour nap tour, soda fountain ice cream lunch, and going to the Universal Studio Park. Before I left I hugged him; he printed out a note thanking me for a nice summerland fun.
On Sunday, I went to church service at 7am, yeah thats right I woke up that early for God! The sermon was about knowing the goodness in others. To me, this hit home. I have felt this all my life. I would gather good people around me, and experience life with them. My close friend from high school and college who was loving and sensitive to the needs of others. My priest, who always gave great advice. My surgeon guy who knew who he is and rise above the occasion. Finally, my close friend and co-worker and pseudo sister. Whenever I am around these people, I feel goodness and unconditional love. I do not feel confusion or frustration. They bring the goodness out in others and harmonize their surroundings. They are comfortable with life.

marriage proposal

Last nite as time tic toc away, i was asked how many times i have been proposed to. I have dated an Asian engineer, an Asian computer geek, an Asian surgeon, a Caucasian scientist and now a Hispanic contractor/artist. I find something unique about an individual and go with the flow. If the chemistry is nice it goes on for over a year; at other times it is not feasible and must stop it after 3months.
Somehow, the peacefulness of a person resonates ( i have met 3 such individuals). They understand we are on a journey of life. We are meant to experience and savor each other. We explore life together and respect each others wishes. We go out and have coffee, sit and chit chat; we are invited into each others homes, to share meals with family members. We share the daily struggles of work and family life. We laugh over past mistakes. We enjoy the presence of the soul.
The soulful person knows who he or she consists of, what their roots are, and they are not afraid to discover life. They bring harmony and peace to their surroundings. Peeps elevate to them, because they are gentle and kind and understand and nurture the souls of others.

Changing Artform

There is no right way and wrong way to go thru life, but there is your way...expression of who you really are...without hurting and weighing on the hurt of others...we are asked to find out who we are...what is the meaning of my life...growing and changing...i cannot help it as the world shapes me into who i am...finding your roots and your family and what motivates us...And yet, this sense of the exoticness is why one becomes attracted to Asian culture and art. "It's so simple, yet it's able to express so much," "to explore the mentality of the people who produced this great art." Asian paintings are a meditation on the deeper things of life.
My mother used to say, "Know who you are, look inside, find the roots and what you are meant to be-be it a rose or a lotus, only then can you grow upward."
The simple art of drawing with a paintbrush, listening to nature, carving wood into shapes, meditating to your own breathing, find peace from within to deal with the problems of daily life. Enjoy each others company, and if they move on, know what once was.

Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl Lyrics

Uh huh, this is my shit
All the girls stomp your feet like this
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
I heard that you were talking shit (about me)
And you didn't think that I would hear it
People hear you talking like that,
getting everybody fired up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms downs,
getting everybody fired up
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
So that's right dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals, no student-teachers
All the boys want to be the winner,
but there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right I'm the last one standing,
another one bites the dust
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit

Translation: I am not a doormat, to be stepped on, or used. Do not play mind games with me. Do not play with my emotions. We are through.

Let me go by 3 Doors Down

It started with a simple kiss
It ended with a lie
Now its all in my head
In this world, there's real and surreal
This seemed so real
i'm torn between this life i lead and where i want to be
you loved me, but you didnt know who i am
and i turn my back on loving you
so let me go, let me go
how could this love be a good thing?
no matter how hard we try,
All the pieces are falling apart
you are the only one who knows
so let me go, just let me go
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont know who i am
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont know me...

Quiz time

1. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?
Nah , i eat only premium popcorn. Nachos and cheese whiz mucho better.
2. Have you ever had sex in a tent? Nope, isnt that uncomfortable?
3. Have you ever had a secret crush on a teacher?
I hardly remember grade school or high or college
4. Do you own more than 100 cd’s? What are your favor? I recently started my collection
5. Have you ever been so drunk that you have passed out? nope, although I had 12 glasses of wine this Memorial Weekend.
6. Have you ever regretted a date? sometimes, but I believe in peeps.
7. Do you believe in ghosts/ufos? yes, lost souls.
8. Have you ever done anything you could be arrested for? I am too smart for that.
9. Have you ever broken a bone? bruised but not battered.
10. Have you ever crashed a car? Yeah, in hi school, my moms van.
11. Have you ever watched a movie and cried? Titantic, not a good first date movie.
12. What is your most recent concert? Maroon5
13. Have you ever been close to drowning or do you know how to swim? I thought I did.
14. Have you ever watched a movie and were aroused at some point? yeah well doesnt everyone
15. Would you date someone a decade or more older than you? its maturity not age that matters
16. Have you ever tried to write a book? oneday when I actually traveled to all my favor places
17. Have you ever had major surgery? nope, well does plastic surgery counts?
18. What is your scariest life experience? losing someone or losing a job or hating someone
19. Do you have a tattoo? Would you ever get one? no, I love my skin and how it glows and smell
20. Have you had any piercings done (not including the ears)? extra earrings
21. What was your first job? babysitting, berry pickings, housecleaning, carls jr
22. Are your parents still alive? one is,
23. Have you ever dated someone you met online? What was the outcome? not good. Instead of making it a beautiful memory, it is now tarnished. That is why never again.

My to Do List before I die

This Memorial Weekend was hairy scary...so three couples (me and bf included) and some kids went to Sonoma County for B&B near the coast. On the way we picked up some oysters (100ct) and some wine and cheese. We bbq them at the beach and went scuba diving for abalone. Then our friend could not breathe and was airlifted by helicopter to the hospital. Wow! I thought I was gonna lose her for sure, she looked so pale. We either cried or looked half alived as we drove to the hospital. Luckily everything went well and she recovered.

Before I die...
1. Travel through South America for 2 months
2. Walk on Red Carpet of a Movie premiere
3. Take a Road trip across America
4. Go Diving off the coast of New Zealand and Greece
5. Say I love you to my family, close friends and 6bfs (engineer, comp geek, CEO, scientist, surgeon and now business guy).

My priest reminded us once that we do not know when or how we will die. We must live each day fully and without regrets.

Sleepless in ...

Feelings and emotions are hard to control. People want to control events and to an extent, peeps in their lives. This is because we want certain results and achieve certain goals.

When I am in a relationship I want that person to be my equal, to grow with me, personally.
I do not want codependency. I do not want manipulation. I do not want denials and dishonesty of self or with the other person.

I look for certain core values and some chemistry and common interests.

I ask for virtues of honesty, faithfulness, and communication.

There has to be honesty with self and with your partner. It will make the relationship stronger, building trust.

Sometimes growing pains, if it doesnt kill you first.

Fidelty is important because it shows how strongly we are committed to this relation.

Communication is key, because no matter how many arguments, with love and respect, problems and issues are resolvable.

Chemistry is attraction in the physical sense. We have basic needs. We want to touch and feel. We want to taste and smell. We want to get high, the feeling of euphoria, awakening of the senses.

Common interests are somewhat necessary. The same taste in sports, music, enjoyments, means spending quality time together experiencing what life has to offer.

So I am out of a relationship last November 2004, and into another one last February. Yet I still have feelings for the old one. We have moved on; I dont know if we are still even friends. Friends are people you can trust, have your back, and knows what you like and dislike.

Self Knowledge

"Know thy enemy and know yourself, and you can fight a hundred battles with no danger of defeat. If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are sure to be defeated in every battle."

"We have met the enemy and he is us."

No one can tell you who you really are. Each of us is perceived as 3 different people: who we think we are, who others think we are, and who we really are. And the greatest is who we really are.

Myers Briggs identity analysis...see below...the same personality preferences often associate and arrive at decisions in the same manner as you do. Looking at your close friends can provide a mirror image of yourself. the more you know about yourself and the reasons for your preferences and actions, the more you know about others.

Self knowledge means knowing your values. What are your core values, that which drives you? What are your priorities? How do you make decisions? Every decision you make reveals something about yourself.

Ben Franklin personal values included 1)show commitment and integrity 2)Ask and accept help from others 3)think positively, know your weakness but do not reveal them, success is achieved by focusing on your inherent strengths.

Relationships are one of the most important vehicles for self growth. It mirrors your strengths and weaknesses, your values and desires. Honest sharing with others build closeness. When you sincerely express feelings and emotions you build intimacy and camaraderie. You engage others in your personal development, and in the long run, fosters intimacy with yourself.

Help others in time of crisis, share your values, help others make sound decisions.

Final analysis: Be who you are, Be enlightened-know who you are, Self knowledge is the foundation of growth.

Everybody's Changing

Keane - Everybody's Changing
Album: Hopes and Fears
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

Cheating on your Partner-is it wrong?

Last nite I was watching a movie, "Seeing Other People"...about cheating-going outside of a relation or marriage. Both sides agreed to it. They had to be honest about who they were seeing and share the intimate details if asked. The idea is that if the marriage is strong, then it would not matter. If they both loved each other it will not break the bond. It will only be meaningless sex encounters, no stable relations. Why are these assumptions incorrect?

What is my take on this issue? Have I ever cheated on anyone? Has anyone ever cheated on me? What is the definition of unfaithfulness-kissing, petting, arousal or intercourse?

Why cheat in the first place?
Boredom. To feel less inadequate in a relation. To look for an aspect that is missing in the relation. When a man cheats, it can easily be dismissed as falling prey to nature's urges. By contrast, if a woman cheats on her husband or boyfriend, this is because she was unhappy in some ways. She feels lonely in some aspect of her personal growth. She is looking for some connection.

What is cheating?
Cheating is breaking a trust and commitment.
Cheating is dishonest. Emotional and/or sexual connection with someone else.

What are the consequences?
Always has a bad ending. Someone will get hurt. It is not reality.

What are the implications?
A man or woman cannot sustain more than one relation at a time, emotionally, financially, and physically. You are pushing yourself outside your boundaries, playing with fire. Seeing if your relation can break, and when it does, it cannot be superglued back together.

What is the big picture?
Find a person who represents your highest values. Once you have committed, stick to it. To involve an innocent third party who undeservingly will be pained by this experience is fruitless.

What is your view of the world?

You scored as Idealist.
Idealism centers around the belief that man is moving towards something greater. An odd mix of evolutionist and spiritualist, you see the divine within man, waiting to emerge over time. Many religious traditions express how the divine spirit lost its identity, thus creating our world of turmoil, but in time it will find itself and all things will again become one.

Idealist 81%
Postmodernist 69%
Romanticist 69%
Existentialist 69%
Cultural Creative 63%
Materialist 63%
Modernist 38%
Fundamentalist 13%
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320

Visa for Life-one man makes a difference

Consul Chiune Sugihara, age 86, died on July 31, 1986. Mrs.Yukiko Sugihara had her 88th birthday on December 17, 2001. She now lives in Fujisawa, Japan.
During World War II, the true nature of mankind was tested. A Japanese man named Chiune Sugihara set the curve with an act of altruism and courage, by helping thousands of Jewish strangers escape from the Nazis. Sugihara's efforts resulted in the rescue of an estimated 6 - 12,000 Jews, the third largest rescue after that of Raoul Wallenberg, the Swedish envoy who saved 100,000 Hungarian Jews; and followed by the rescue De Sousa Mendes, the Portuguese Consul General in Bordeaux, France, who saved between 30,000 - 50,000 Jews. Together, these three men were responsible for saving approximately 150,000 persons, or 15% of all Jews who were rescued during the Holocaust.
Visas For Life: On a summer morning in late July 1940, Consul Sempo Sugihara and his family awakened to a crowd of Polish Jewish refugees gathered outside the consulate. Desperate to flee the approaching Nazis, the refugees knew that their only path lay to the east. If Consul Sugihara would grant them Japanese transit visas, they could obtain Soviet exit visas and race to possible freedom. After repeatedly receiving negative responses from Tokyo, the Consul discussed the situation with his wife and children. Sugihara had a difficult decision to make. He was a man who was brought up in the strict and traditional discipline of the Japanese. He was a career diplomat, who suddenly had to make a very difficult choice. On one had, he was bound by the traditional obedience he had been taught all his life. On the other hand, he was a samurai who had been told to help those who were in need. He knew that if he defied the orders of his superiors, he might be fired and disgraced, and would probably never work for the Japanese government again. This would result in extreme financial hardship for his family in the future. Chiune and his wife Yukiko even feared for their lives and the lives of their children, but in the end, could only follow their consciences. The visas would be signed. For 29 days, from July 31 to August 28, 1940, Mr. and Mrs. Sugihara sat for endless hours writing and signing visas by hand. Hour after hour, day after day, for these three weeks, they wrote and signed visas. They wrote over 300 visas a day, which would normally be one month's worth of work for the consul. Yukiko also helped him register these visas. At the end of the day, she would massage his fatigued hands. He did not even stop to eat. His wife supplied him with sandwiches. Sugihara chose not to lose a minute because people were standing in line in front of his consulate day and night for these visas. When some began climbing the compound wall, he came out to calm them down and assure them that he would do is best to help them all. Hundreds of applicants became thousands as he worked to grant as many visas as possible before being forced to close the consulate and leave Lithuania. Consul Sugihara continued issuing documents from his train window until the moment the train departed Kovno for Berlin on September 1, 1940. And as the train pulled out of the station, Sugihara gave the consul visa stamp to a refugee who was able use it to save even more Jews.After receiving their visas, the refugees lost no time in getting on trains that took them to Moscow, and then by trans-Siberian railroad to Vladivostok. From there, most of them continued to Kobe, Japan. They were allowed to stay in Kobe for several months, and were then sent to Shanghai, China. Thousands of Polish Jews with Sugihara visas survived in safety under the benign protection of the Japanese government in Shanghai. As many as six thousand refugees made their way to Japan, China and other countries in the following months. They had escaped the Holocaust. Through a strange twist of history, they owed their lives to a Japanese man and his family. They had become Sugihara Survivors.Despite his disobedience, his government found Sugihara's vast skills useful for the remainder of the war. But in 1945, the Japanese government unceremoniously dismissed Chiune Sugihara from the diplomatic service. His career as a diplomat was shattered. He had to start his life over. Once a rising star in the Japanese foreign service, Chiune Sugihara could at first only find work as a part-time translator and interpreter. For the last two decades of his life, he worked as a manager for an export company with business in Moscow. This was his fate because he dared to save thousands of human beings from certain death.
His philosophy: Sugihara's personal history and temperament may contain the key to why he defied his government's orders and issued the visas. Sugihara favored his mother's personality. He thought of himself as kind and nurturing and artistic. He was interested in foreign ideas, religion, philosophy and language. He wanted to travel the world and see everything there was, and experience the world. He had a strong sense of the value of all human life. His language skills show that he was always interested in learning more about other peoples. Sugihara was a humble and understated man. He was self-sacrificing, self-effacing and had a very good sense of humor. Yukiko, his wife, said he found it very difficult to discipline the children when they misbehaved. He never lost his temper. Sugihara was also raised in the strict Japanese code of ethics of a turn-of-the-century samurai family. The cardinal virtues of this society were oya koko (love of the family), kodomo no tamene (for the sake of the children), having gidi and on (duty and responsibility, or obligation to repay a debt), gaman (withholding of emotions on the surface), gambate (internal strength and resourcefulness), and haji no kakete (don't bring shame on the family). These virtues were strongly inculcated by Chiune's middle-class rural samurai family. It took enormous courage for Sugihara to defy the order of his father to become a doctor, and instead follow his own academic path. It took courage to leave Japan and study overseas. It took a very modern liberal Japanese man to marry a Caucasian woman (his first wife; Yukiko was his second wife) and convert to Christianity. It took even more courage to openly oppose the Japanese military policies of expansion in the 1930s.Thus Sempo Sugihara was no ordinary Japanese man. At the time that he and his wife Yukiko thought of the plight of the Jewish refugees, he was haunted by the words of an old samurai maxim: "Even a hunter cannot kill a bird which flies to him for refuge." Forty-five years after he signed the visas, Chiune was asked why he did it. He gave two reasons: "They were human beings and they needed help," he said. "I'm glad I found the strength to make the decision to give it to them." Sugihara was a religious man and believed in a universal God of all people. He was fond of saying, "I may have to disobey my government, but if I don't I would be disobeying God."
We live in a world where each person can make a difference. Each day we must make choices and live with the consequences of it. We must have the courage to accept our choices. We must be loyal and faithful to our commitments. We must know what is right and what is wrong, and answer to our own conscience.
We respect the humanity of others, with their strengths and weaknesses. Yet we live with a code of morals and set of manners, enriched in traditions and empowered by religion.
We must learn from our past mistakes. We must learn to avoid losing our soul. We must learn to forgive ourselves. We must learn to accept who we are, our roots.
I am an Asian woman. I was raised in an Asian culture. My parents set the example of self-sacrifices. I honor my parents, my family and my culture. My religion gave me moral values. Yet I have evolved into me. Only the peeps that daily interact with me know me. I do not get along with everyone. I accept them for who they are. We constantly redefine/refine ourselves and shed our shell. We jump into new experiences. Each day as the sun comes up, we are reminded that we are given one more chance, another glorious day to experience life and shine like the sun. At the end of the day as the sun sets, sensual and magnificent as it begun; we come home to accept who we have evolved into . God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the Difference.

Summer Craze

So its the start of May and an incredible summer so far!
Kickoff with
Monster Inc., on Ice
Stanford Musical Performance
ArtFest 2005 at the Old Mint
Madame Butterfly Opera at the Marin Center
Giants Game vs Mil Brewers
Woodland Fairies Ballet
a Maroon5 Concert at the HP Pavilion
SF Symphony performs Haydn and Mozart with SF Chorus, Sopranos, Tenor and Baritone
After an early rise, a power walk in downtown SFO ensues
http://www.baytobreakers.com/events/footstock.html
Featuring Gavin DeGraw Concert
Kayaking at the Embarcadero looking at the SF skyline is breathtaking

Then this Memorial Weekend, I will bike through the vineyards and have a nice picnic in the sun. Two years ago I took someone up on an offer and drove to the Hilton in Reno. Last year I drove her to Napa Valley for wine tasting and visited the Copia. Now it is only a fading memory.

This summer I will travel to Vietnam and this fall to Greece. For the contiguous states, I will drive a new SAVX3 to Yosemite and Yellowstone. I discovered what my new summer sport will be-kayaking, add-on to scuba diving, so my Gerstle Cove dive for abalone will be complete. Another great year begins with summertime fun activities.

Assertive Communication

In any parts of a relation, at work, at home, or with friends, communication is crucial. There are google courses on effective communication, and I went to one yesterday. It is one for women. They categorize 4 kinds of communicator-passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and the assertive.
The passive avoids conflicts, pleases at own cost, and often feels frustrated, resentment, helpless, and less important than others. The behaviors exhibited is constant apologies; they also put themselves down because of low self-esteem.
The aggressive wants power and control over others, coercing others. They feel more important than others, but actually they also have low self-esteem and low confidence level. They dismiss others, is demanding and insulting.
The passive-aggressive tries to get his own way without taking responsibility. They blame others for their own faults. Their behaviors are sarcastic, expresses opinions indirectly and deny any negative intent.
Where one should strive for is to be an assertive person. They have self respect and respect for others, without controlling everything. They feel positive and project equal importance to all. Their behavior is their willingness to listen to others, allow others to have a viewpoint, and express their needs and wants and feelings directly.

The assertive person must work with change, consider options, work things out, have excellent communication and clear expectations, equalize their importance with others. They have consistent responses and watch for condition responses from others by their past behaviors.
They are good communicators, managers of conflict and negotiators. They have a good healthy self-esteem and do not make excuses, but are accountable for their actions and the responses it brings. Silence is approval, and if they disagree, they must say "we agree to disagree," rather than compromise their values. At the end of the day they can say "I managed my day and walked away with dignity." The most important thing is respect for self. What are you afraid of? False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR), Have respect for yourself, value what you have to offer. Know what your self interests are, the ability to identify own principles and goals in life, without outside influence. You must maintain integrity and be honest with yourself and your feelings. You have the right to slow down (take a break from emotional response), to do a full analysis before addressing the issue at hand. The assertive person (1)must be direct yet tactful, must be truthful with self, must express emotions as "I am(happy) today", ask for what he wants, (2)monitor internal dialogue with what are the facts, what is the prove behind the facts, practice honest positive internal dialogue, recognizing accomplishments, while acknowledging what you need to work on and your ability to improve; (3) carefully select what you say and how you say it through (1)power language- educated words, descriptive, clear, concise, relevant, conceptual, phrases, thought-provoking; (2)power voice-projective, medium pitch, enunciate yet not be obvious, speak with pacing; (3) body language-good eye contact, head and chin up, weight distributed to the right and left leg, shaking hands, saying hi.
Every interaction is a chance to influence and understand.
Do not take criticism personal, be specific to the situation, focus on the issue, ask for an example. Ask for clarification to meet the expectation.
If you are giving criticism, identify the cause of the problem not the person. Focus on how you perceived the situation according to your way of thinking. The other person has another perception on the same situation. Coach the person to a solution. Specify an action plan and set a timeline.
However, if mutual understanding isn't possible, express your opinion for emotional closure and choose your battles. When dealing with a difficult situation, learn to negotiate. Prepare the groundwork, know position and options, determine a good timing, challenge with clarity, connect the old and new changes, compromise if necessary, offer benefits and and an out.
When do you surrender or give up a situation? When the long term problems outlasts the short term gains.
Finally in a group setting or large audience, empower yourself before giving a talk. Prepare the slides, know the possible questions, have clear deliveries, find friendly faces in the crowd, focus nervousness into one object, and have confidence in your abilities. Do not let visual aids upstage you. You are the speaker, providing information. Make sure you are familiar with your slides, props and room.
Finally to be an assertive person, practice the confidence walk, have a sense of who you are, with a sense of humor that others can relate to, and know facts and figures that tells others that you are educated and interesting to be around.

the Notebook movie

Yesterday I watched this movie from the beginning. It is a fictional adaptation by Nicholas Sparks. Some other stories that I've read from this author includes "A Walk to Remember" and a "Message in a Bottle." This particular story has southern charm and a beautiful backdrop of summer skies with swans in the waters. Some memorable lines...

At one point in the novel Gus says to Noah, "My daddy used to tell me 'the first time you fall in love it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feelin' never goes away. This girl you been tellin' me about was your first love. And no matter what you do, she'll stay with you forever." Do you think this is true? Can you remember your first love? Noah and Allie find themselves in this abandon home, she plays chopsticks on the piano for him. He comes over and slowly kisses her. It is their first time "sleeping" together. She is worried, so he stops, and waits until she is ready to be with him completely.

The restoration of the white house was what brought back Noah and Allie. It is a symbol of their promise they made to each other before she was taken away from him. Duke (reading, about Noah): "He got the notion into his head that if he restored the old house where they had come that night, Allie would find a way to come back to him. Some called it a labor of love. Others called it something else. But in fact, Noah had gone a little mad." Duke (reading, about Noah): Duke (to his adult children): "Look, guys. That's my sweetheart in there. I'm not leaving her. This is my home now. Your mother is my home." In Asian culture, the wife is considered the home, the nurturer, the childcaretaker, the cook and the thread that holds the family together through thick and thin.

When Allie accepts the marriage proposal from Lon, she envisions Noah. When she sees Noah in the newspaper she faints, as if she has seen a ghost. Before her wedding day, she goes back to seabrook to look for Noah. What was her goal? To put the past behind her and start a new life with Lon? To test if she had any feelings left for Noah and wanting to rekindle the flame of her first love? "She had come back into his life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into his heart. Noah stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony he knew would be his if he were to lose her twice." Excerpt from a letter from Noah to Allie: "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."

If Tomorrow Never Comes

RONAN KEATING LYRICS"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Sometimes late at night I lie awake and watch her sleeping

She's lost in peaceful dreams

So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark

And the thought crosses my mind

If I never wake up in the morning

Would she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes will she know how much I loved her

Did I try in every way to show her every day

That she's my only one

And if my time on earth were through

And she must face this world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past gonna be enough to last

If tomorrow never comes'

Cause I've lost loved ones in my life

Who never knew how much I loved them

Now I live with the regrets (to my mother)

That my true feelings for them never were revealed

So I made a promise to myself

To say each day how much she means to me

And avoid that circumstance

Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I loved her

Did I try in every way to show her every day

If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love

Just what you're thinking of

If tomorrow never comes

Love is sweet and tender, it melts your heart, and I would gladly giveup it up for the one. I would hold her up and cherish her. She would be my one and only and I would never fail her.
She understands me, knows me, protects me, my confidante, my angel.

a like note blogged for me?

but not to any Mary, to -My Mary-...
This is a letter to my Sweetheart;Please deliver it sharply today; anytime before 5:00 this afternoon… or maybe even a little later than that, because our first date started a little later than five... I wish for her to know how special she is today in my life, like then, two months ago, when we shared a second meal, as an excuse too meet one more time…Make sure there will be a smile on her face, and bright sparks in her eyes, because this will tell me she is happy, and this is how I like her to be...Have her remember how magic it is to be with her, how she makes a moment to be unforgettable with her only presence…Grant her a hint of who might have written this letter, tell her it is someone who dreams and thinks about her quite often, but never tell her my name, let her try to guess…Tell her I have counted sixty happy days next to her, wondering; how have they gone so fast?! Finally; ask her to help me count another sixty days, together with her…

ISTP

the personalitypage.com was taken by me ...can one really pin one's personality as complex as me on a test? I guess you need to start somewhere. And if enough polls were done, maybe there are some truths behind the results.
I am an ISTP=introvert senses thinking perceived individual although i could falter either way on the STP part, but definitely not the I part. And as I get older, will I lean toward one more than another? can one change one's personality? what does it mean to be ISTP?
As an ISTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.
ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.
ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers".
ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.
ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.
ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.
An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on himself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge himself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.
ISTPs are excellent in crisis situations. They're usually good athletes, and have very good hand-eye coordination. They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends. They usually don't have much trouble with school, because they are introverts who can think logically. They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings.
ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.
ISTPs are optimistic, full of good cheer, loyal to their equals, uncomplicated in their desires, generous, trusting and receptive people who want no part in confining commitments.

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

Strengths
Good listeners
Usually self-confident
Generally optimistic and fun to be with
Practical and realistic, they handle daily concerns
Are not threatened by conflict or criticism
Able to leave a relationship with relative ease once it is over
Able to administer punishment, although they're not interested in doing so
Likely to respect other's needs for space and privacy
Weakness
Living entirely in the present, they have difficulty with long-term commitments
Not naturally good at expressing feelings and emotions
Not tuned in to what others are feeling, they may be insensitive at times
Tendency to be overly private and hold back part of themselves
Need a lot of personal space, which they don't like to have invaded
They thrive on action and excitement, and may stir things up to create it

Romance under the nite sky

There are a few songs that define me...this one, the savage garden song of traveling the world with the one I love, and if you move real slow, I will let it go...

Can't Fight The Moonlight
LeAnn Rimes

Under a lovers' sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until
Til the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight - starlight
There's a magical feeling - so right
It'll steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart

There's no escape from love
It's a gentle breeze
Weaves it's spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be too long
Til your in my arms
Underneath the starlight - starlight
We'll be lost in the rhythm - so right
Feel it steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark

You'll surrender your heart
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
No you can't fight it
No matter what you do
The night is gonna get to you

Don't try then
You're never gonna win

Be a Part of me, the starlight - starlight
There's a magical feeling - so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know
Don't you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart

dthe Pope dies...

When Pope John Paul II died this Easter weekend, April 02, 2005, he reminds us of the legacy that he left behind, with his struggles with Nazi occupation of Poland, his homeland; his entrance into priesthood to serve the greater good; his fight with communism in Poland and then around the world; his unification of all faith, bringing justice and peace to this world.

I remember my own meager start from a war torn country, coming to a land with nothing, understanding the sacrifices my parents made so we could all go to private schools and receive the best education. Growing up in a Catholic Asian community, most of my teen life was spent going on spiritual retreats, looking within for answers, listening for the holy spirit to guide me, choosing the paths less taken.

I realize I will have far less of an impact on the world. It is the people that I only come into contact with that I can make a difference. From my immediate family, to my darling cousins whom I adore, to my closest friends, and relatives. From past lovers and boyfriends, to total strangers. For every act of love there is a reaction.

I Don't Want To Be

Artists > Gavin DeGraw >

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anything other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be
Anything other that what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be

Happy to see me?

Is it the way he holds my hands? Pulls out the chair for me? Opens the door for me? Wraps me up with his bear hug and kisses me? Holds my coat for me so I can put it on. Or how he leans into me and lays his head on my shoulder and smells my hair. Is it the way he combs my hair with his fingertips. or how he reads love poems to me? is it that he shares his excitement over fishes with me? Wherever we go, he acts like the perfect gentleman and so it leaves me wanting to do something naughty. He has the slightest touch of playfulness yet distinguishness that empowers me. Whatever we do, laugh or share a meal together, I feel his presence and I am first and foremost and feeling wanted and needed. I feel important and contribute to his spirit. He makes me happy to be alive. He knows how to command the attention of others without being foolish. His words are like music to my soul, soothing and comforting, that another day is a good day. He has experienced life yet shields me from the nakedness and rawness. He compliments my clothing and stands up for my rights and honor. He is a man worth loving. It is nice to be at the start of a relation, where everything is new and not taken for granted.

Thinking things thru

so the journey of life continues with responsibility, accountability, accuracy, criteria, organization, does it make sense, whats the theoretical, how do I approach it to get the results I want, how convincing am I, with data, words, confidence?

ahhh that proverbial life that everyone strives for...so you are all fired up right out of preschool into grade school and middle school and high school earning good grades, so you can get into a good college and declare a major that will earn you a degree...with that you hope to find a decent job with good pay...then you realize that work is that, hard work, whether it is blue collar or white collar...so you decide to invest in a home, start a family, raise kids, and the cycle starts all over again. At the end of your life you, you leave behind (God willing) a circle of family and friends who knew you, who loved you, who supported you, with strong values of right and wrong, good decision making, and commitment to excellence and making your kids life better. so where am I in this process of life? why have I not committed to anything since graduating from college? Did my dreams fall at the wayside? What is really important to me? Is it to experience life outside of work? To find out what I am made of, to work with what I have in my life-my limited knowledge, my limited skills, my limited education, and when is enough enough? When I own a home, have a job I enjoy working 40hours per week, have a family that brings security and joy to my life, and kids and a partner that will take care of me when I am old and feeble.

Love Songs

Love songs are sappy...they remind us whats important in life and heals our wounded hearts beyond words from a friend...you can replay it til you are blue in the face...
Love builds memories and it is not about anticipation of what to come...Love endures the test of time and gives you reassurance that happiness is the here and now. You changed my world when you are a part of it and I can see and feel your love each nite.
Laughter, dreams and activities are meant to be shared with another. Good times and bad times are what life is all about. Love divides your sorrow and pain and multiplies your love and talents.

Valentine's Day

Aujourd'hui est le Valentines Day...jour le romance et l'amoure. the French connection. for all the folks I used to love and those who remain my friends. they have become my close confidante. love has many meanings and many depths. I have loved more than my shares. some are wonderful and others come and go. those I used to cherish and those I care not to think about anymore. those who are compatible, who took the time to get to know me, to listen, to understand, to be there in time of crisis.
Love is to value someone. To naturally touch them because you adore them. To touch their hair, their hands, their feet, their face, their soul. To know them more, is to love them more deeply, because at their core is beauty. They breathe life into you, nurture you, become a part of who you are and make your world a better place.
Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or mean spirited. Love is not arrogant nor rude. Love is not boastful. Love believes in the other person, hopes in the other person. Love is patient and endures and never fails. Of Love, Hope and Peace, the Greatest is Love. I Corinthians 13
I have tried to live by these rules, but have at times been misunderstood. Because I am not jealous knowing that love is strong. I am not insecure. But love also needs nurturing and takes lots of work in communication. Love has a season and time. Some folks are meant to be with me for a long time, others have moved on.
Love is about understanding and communication. It is everyday. It is spur of the moment love, deep love, its I cannot live without you because you touch every part of my life love.
Its sensitivity-dates, little touches, little lovenotes, expressing aloud how wonderful and beautiful the other person is, how much you appreciate for his or her thoughtfulness.

My Obituary or Funeral would be like...

4 Weddings and a Funeral movie lines...
Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. He said it was easier to get enthusiastic about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in.
Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. When joyful, when joyful for highly vocal drunkenness. But joyful is how I hope you'll remember him. Not stuck in a box in a church. Pick your favorite of his waistcoats and remember him that way. The most splendid, replete, big-hearted, weak-hearted as it turned out, and jolly bugger most of us ever met.
W.H. Auden. This is actually what I want to say: "Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone. Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drum, Bring out the coffin... let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle, moaning overhead, Scribbling on the sky the message: He is Dead. Put crepe bows 'round the necks of public doves, Let traffic policemen wear black, cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East, my West. My working week and my Sunday rest. My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song, I thought love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now, put out every one. Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun. Pour out the ocean and sweep up the wood, For nothing now can ever come to any good."

Home is where the heart is

Home isWhere the heart resides to find comfort and understanding...
the night is cold and dank as i wake from a nightmare
to calm my senses i ask for reasons and then drown it out with white noise
i remember a time when i slept in your arms without fear
and when i call out your name you answered me
now i am lost in a world of dreams and you no longer lay next to me
do you even remember what it was like, lovers wrapped around each other
you thought i was strength but you were the glue that held us together
the road of life is long and I am weak, you were hope to fill my despair.
and all i ask that you dance with me in the rain and kiss my tears away

MLKjr

"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!" And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ringfrom the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania. Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California. But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia. Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee. Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi - from every mountainside. Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children - black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles,Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"