Last nite I was watching a movie, "Seeing Other People"...about cheating-going outside of a relation or marriage. Both sides agreed to it. They had to be honest about who they were seeing and share the intimate details if asked. The idea is that if the marriage is strong, then it would not matter. If they both loved each other it will not break the bond. It will only be meaningless sex encounters, no stable relations. Why are these assumptions incorrect?
What is my take on this issue? Have I ever cheated on anyone? Has anyone ever cheated on me? What is the definition of unfaithfulness-kissing, petting, arousal or intercourse?
Why cheat in the first place?
Boredom. To feel less inadequate in a relation. To look for an aspect that is missing in the relation. When a man cheats, it can easily be dismissed as falling prey to nature's urges. By contrast, if a woman cheats on her husband or boyfriend, this is because she was unhappy in some ways. She feels lonely in some aspect of her personal growth. She is looking for some connection.
What is cheating?
Cheating is breaking a trust and commitment.
Cheating is dishonest. Emotional and/or sexual connection with someone else.
What are the consequences?
Always has a bad ending. Someone will get hurt. It is not reality.
What are the implications?
A man or woman cannot sustain more than one relation at a time, emotionally, financially, and physically. You are pushing yourself outside your boundaries, playing with fire. Seeing if your relation can break, and when it does, it cannot be superglued back together.
What is the big picture?
Find a person who represents your highest values. Once you have committed, stick to it. To involve an innocent third party who undeservingly will be pained by this experience is fruitless.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
What is your view of the world?
You scored as Idealist.
Idealism centers around the belief that man is moving towards something greater. An odd mix of evolutionist and spiritualist, you see the divine within man, waiting to emerge over time. Many religious traditions express how the divine spirit lost its identity, thus creating our world of turmoil, but in time it will find itself and all things will again become one.
Idealist 81%
Postmodernist 69%
Romanticist 69%
Existentialist 69%
Cultural Creative 63%
Materialist 63%
Modernist 38%
Fundamentalist 13%
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320
Idealism centers around the belief that man is moving towards something greater. An odd mix of evolutionist and spiritualist, you see the divine within man, waiting to emerge over time. Many religious traditions express how the divine spirit lost its identity, thus creating our world of turmoil, but in time it will find itself and all things will again become one.
Idealist 81%
Postmodernist 69%
Romanticist 69%
Existentialist 69%
Cultural Creative 63%
Materialist 63%
Modernist 38%
Fundamentalist 13%
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320
Monday, May 09, 2005
Visa for Life-one man makes a difference
Consul Chiune Sugihara, age 86, died on July 31, 1986. Mrs.Yukiko Sugihara had her 88th birthday on December 17, 2001. She now lives in Fujisawa, Japan.
During World War II, the true nature of mankind was tested. A Japanese man named Chiune Sugihara set the curve with an act of altruism and courage, by helping thousands of Jewish strangers escape from the Nazis. Sugihara's efforts resulted in the rescue of an estimated 6 - 12,000 Jews, the third largest rescue after that of Raoul Wallenberg, the Swedish envoy who saved 100,000 Hungarian Jews; and followed by the rescue De Sousa Mendes, the Portuguese Consul General in Bordeaux, France, who saved between 30,000 - 50,000 Jews. Together, these three men were responsible for saving approximately 150,000 persons, or 15% of all Jews who were rescued during the Holocaust.
Visas For Life: On a summer morning in late July 1940, Consul Sempo Sugihara and his family awakened to a crowd of Polish Jewish refugees gathered outside the consulate. Desperate to flee the approaching Nazis, the refugees knew that their only path lay to the east. If Consul Sugihara would grant them Japanese transit visas, they could obtain Soviet exit visas and race to possible freedom. After repeatedly receiving negative responses from Tokyo, the Consul discussed the situation with his wife and children. Sugihara had a difficult decision to make. He was a man who was brought up in the strict and traditional discipline of the Japanese. He was a career diplomat, who suddenly had to make a very difficult choice. On one had, he was bound by the traditional obedience he had been taught all his life. On the other hand, he was a samurai who had been told to help those who were in need. He knew that if he defied the orders of his superiors, he might be fired and disgraced, and would probably never work for the Japanese government again. This would result in extreme financial hardship for his family in the future. Chiune and his wife Yukiko even feared for their lives and the lives of their children, but in the end, could only follow their consciences. The visas would be signed. For 29 days, from July 31 to August 28, 1940, Mr. and Mrs. Sugihara sat for endless hours writing and signing visas by hand. Hour after hour, day after day, for these three weeks, they wrote and signed visas. They wrote over 300 visas a day, which would normally be one month's worth of work for the consul. Yukiko also helped him register these visas. At the end of the day, she would massage his fatigued hands. He did not even stop to eat. His wife supplied him with sandwiches. Sugihara chose not to lose a minute because people were standing in line in front of his consulate day and night for these visas. When some began climbing the compound wall, he came out to calm them down and assure them that he would do is best to help them all. Hundreds of applicants became thousands as he worked to grant as many visas as possible before being forced to close the consulate and leave Lithuania. Consul Sugihara continued issuing documents from his train window until the moment the train departed Kovno for Berlin on September 1, 1940. And as the train pulled out of the station, Sugihara gave the consul visa stamp to a refugee who was able use it to save even more Jews.After receiving their visas, the refugees lost no time in getting on trains that took them to Moscow, and then by trans-Siberian railroad to Vladivostok. From there, most of them continued to Kobe, Japan. They were allowed to stay in Kobe for several months, and were then sent to Shanghai, China. Thousands of Polish Jews with Sugihara visas survived in safety under the benign protection of the Japanese government in Shanghai. As many as six thousand refugees made their way to Japan, China and other countries in the following months. They had escaped the Holocaust. Through a strange twist of history, they owed their lives to a Japanese man and his family. They had become Sugihara Survivors.Despite his disobedience, his government found Sugihara's vast skills useful for the remainder of the war. But in 1945, the Japanese government unceremoniously dismissed Chiune Sugihara from the diplomatic service. His career as a diplomat was shattered. He had to start his life over. Once a rising star in the Japanese foreign service, Chiune Sugihara could at first only find work as a part-time translator and interpreter. For the last two decades of his life, he worked as a manager for an export company with business in Moscow. This was his fate because he dared to save thousands of human beings from certain death.
His philosophy: Sugihara's personal history and temperament may contain the key to why he defied his government's orders and issued the visas. Sugihara favored his mother's personality. He thought of himself as kind and nurturing and artistic. He was interested in foreign ideas, religion, philosophy and language. He wanted to travel the world and see everything there was, and experience the world. He had a strong sense of the value of all human life. His language skills show that he was always interested in learning more about other peoples. Sugihara was a humble and understated man. He was self-sacrificing, self-effacing and had a very good sense of humor. Yukiko, his wife, said he found it very difficult to discipline the children when they misbehaved. He never lost his temper. Sugihara was also raised in the strict Japanese code of ethics of a turn-of-the-century samurai family. The cardinal virtues of this society were oya koko (love of the family), kodomo no tamene (for the sake of the children), having gidi and on (duty and responsibility, or obligation to repay a debt), gaman (withholding of emotions on the surface), gambate (internal strength and resourcefulness), and haji no kakete (don't bring shame on the family). These virtues were strongly inculcated by Chiune's middle-class rural samurai family. It took enormous courage for Sugihara to defy the order of his father to become a doctor, and instead follow his own academic path. It took courage to leave Japan and study overseas. It took a very modern liberal Japanese man to marry a Caucasian woman (his first wife; Yukiko was his second wife) and convert to Christianity. It took even more courage to openly oppose the Japanese military policies of expansion in the 1930s.Thus Sempo Sugihara was no ordinary Japanese man. At the time that he and his wife Yukiko thought of the plight of the Jewish refugees, he was haunted by the words of an old samurai maxim: "Even a hunter cannot kill a bird which flies to him for refuge." Forty-five years after he signed the visas, Chiune was asked why he did it. He gave two reasons: "They were human beings and they needed help," he said. "I'm glad I found the strength to make the decision to give it to them." Sugihara was a religious man and believed in a universal God of all people. He was fond of saying, "I may have to disobey my government, but if I don't I would be disobeying God."
We live in a world where each person can make a difference. Each day we must make choices and live with the consequences of it. We must have the courage to accept our choices. We must be loyal and faithful to our commitments. We must know what is right and what is wrong, and answer to our own conscience.
We respect the humanity of others, with their strengths and weaknesses. Yet we live with a code of morals and set of manners, enriched in traditions and empowered by religion.
We must learn from our past mistakes. We must learn to avoid losing our soul. We must learn to forgive ourselves. We must learn to accept who we are, our roots.
I am an Asian woman. I was raised in an Asian culture. My parents set the example of self-sacrifices. I honor my parents, my family and my culture. My religion gave me moral values. Yet I have evolved into me. Only the peeps that daily interact with me know me. I do not get along with everyone. I accept them for who they are. We constantly redefine/refine ourselves and shed our shell. We jump into new experiences. Each day as the sun comes up, we are reminded that we are given one more chance, another glorious day to experience life and shine like the sun. At the end of the day as the sun sets, sensual and magnificent as it begun; we come home to accept who we have evolved into . God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the Difference.
During World War II, the true nature of mankind was tested. A Japanese man named Chiune Sugihara set the curve with an act of altruism and courage, by helping thousands of Jewish strangers escape from the Nazis. Sugihara's efforts resulted in the rescue of an estimated 6 - 12,000 Jews, the third largest rescue after that of Raoul Wallenberg, the Swedish envoy who saved 100,000 Hungarian Jews; and followed by the rescue De Sousa Mendes, the Portuguese Consul General in Bordeaux, France, who saved between 30,000 - 50,000 Jews. Together, these three men were responsible for saving approximately 150,000 persons, or 15% of all Jews who were rescued during the Holocaust.
Visas For Life: On a summer morning in late July 1940, Consul Sempo Sugihara and his family awakened to a crowd of Polish Jewish refugees gathered outside the consulate. Desperate to flee the approaching Nazis, the refugees knew that their only path lay to the east. If Consul Sugihara would grant them Japanese transit visas, they could obtain Soviet exit visas and race to possible freedom. After repeatedly receiving negative responses from Tokyo, the Consul discussed the situation with his wife and children. Sugihara had a difficult decision to make. He was a man who was brought up in the strict and traditional discipline of the Japanese. He was a career diplomat, who suddenly had to make a very difficult choice. On one had, he was bound by the traditional obedience he had been taught all his life. On the other hand, he was a samurai who had been told to help those who were in need. He knew that if he defied the orders of his superiors, he might be fired and disgraced, and would probably never work for the Japanese government again. This would result in extreme financial hardship for his family in the future. Chiune and his wife Yukiko even feared for their lives and the lives of their children, but in the end, could only follow their consciences. The visas would be signed. For 29 days, from July 31 to August 28, 1940, Mr. and Mrs. Sugihara sat for endless hours writing and signing visas by hand. Hour after hour, day after day, for these three weeks, they wrote and signed visas. They wrote over 300 visas a day, which would normally be one month's worth of work for the consul. Yukiko also helped him register these visas. At the end of the day, she would massage his fatigued hands. He did not even stop to eat. His wife supplied him with sandwiches. Sugihara chose not to lose a minute because people were standing in line in front of his consulate day and night for these visas. When some began climbing the compound wall, he came out to calm them down and assure them that he would do is best to help them all. Hundreds of applicants became thousands as he worked to grant as many visas as possible before being forced to close the consulate and leave Lithuania. Consul Sugihara continued issuing documents from his train window until the moment the train departed Kovno for Berlin on September 1, 1940. And as the train pulled out of the station, Sugihara gave the consul visa stamp to a refugee who was able use it to save even more Jews.After receiving their visas, the refugees lost no time in getting on trains that took them to Moscow, and then by trans-Siberian railroad to Vladivostok. From there, most of them continued to Kobe, Japan. They were allowed to stay in Kobe for several months, and were then sent to Shanghai, China. Thousands of Polish Jews with Sugihara visas survived in safety under the benign protection of the Japanese government in Shanghai. As many as six thousand refugees made their way to Japan, China and other countries in the following months. They had escaped the Holocaust. Through a strange twist of history, they owed their lives to a Japanese man and his family. They had become Sugihara Survivors.Despite his disobedience, his government found Sugihara's vast skills useful for the remainder of the war. But in 1945, the Japanese government unceremoniously dismissed Chiune Sugihara from the diplomatic service. His career as a diplomat was shattered. He had to start his life over. Once a rising star in the Japanese foreign service, Chiune Sugihara could at first only find work as a part-time translator and interpreter. For the last two decades of his life, he worked as a manager for an export company with business in Moscow. This was his fate because he dared to save thousands of human beings from certain death.
His philosophy: Sugihara's personal history and temperament may contain the key to why he defied his government's orders and issued the visas. Sugihara favored his mother's personality. He thought of himself as kind and nurturing and artistic. He was interested in foreign ideas, religion, philosophy and language. He wanted to travel the world and see everything there was, and experience the world. He had a strong sense of the value of all human life. His language skills show that he was always interested in learning more about other peoples. Sugihara was a humble and understated man. He was self-sacrificing, self-effacing and had a very good sense of humor. Yukiko, his wife, said he found it very difficult to discipline the children when they misbehaved. He never lost his temper. Sugihara was also raised in the strict Japanese code of ethics of a turn-of-the-century samurai family. The cardinal virtues of this society were oya koko (love of the family), kodomo no tamene (for the sake of the children), having gidi and on (duty and responsibility, or obligation to repay a debt), gaman (withholding of emotions on the surface), gambate (internal strength and resourcefulness), and haji no kakete (don't bring shame on the family). These virtues were strongly inculcated by Chiune's middle-class rural samurai family. It took enormous courage for Sugihara to defy the order of his father to become a doctor, and instead follow his own academic path. It took courage to leave Japan and study overseas. It took a very modern liberal Japanese man to marry a Caucasian woman (his first wife; Yukiko was his second wife) and convert to Christianity. It took even more courage to openly oppose the Japanese military policies of expansion in the 1930s.Thus Sempo Sugihara was no ordinary Japanese man. At the time that he and his wife Yukiko thought of the plight of the Jewish refugees, he was haunted by the words of an old samurai maxim: "Even a hunter cannot kill a bird which flies to him for refuge." Forty-five years after he signed the visas, Chiune was asked why he did it. He gave two reasons: "They were human beings and they needed help," he said. "I'm glad I found the strength to make the decision to give it to them." Sugihara was a religious man and believed in a universal God of all people. He was fond of saying, "I may have to disobey my government, but if I don't I would be disobeying God."
We live in a world where each person can make a difference. Each day we must make choices and live with the consequences of it. We must have the courage to accept our choices. We must be loyal and faithful to our commitments. We must know what is right and what is wrong, and answer to our own conscience.
We respect the humanity of others, with their strengths and weaknesses. Yet we live with a code of morals and set of manners, enriched in traditions and empowered by religion.
We must learn from our past mistakes. We must learn to avoid losing our soul. We must learn to forgive ourselves. We must learn to accept who we are, our roots.
I am an Asian woman. I was raised in an Asian culture. My parents set the example of self-sacrifices. I honor my parents, my family and my culture. My religion gave me moral values. Yet I have evolved into me. Only the peeps that daily interact with me know me. I do not get along with everyone. I accept them for who they are. We constantly redefine/refine ourselves and shed our shell. We jump into new experiences. Each day as the sun comes up, we are reminded that we are given one more chance, another glorious day to experience life and shine like the sun. At the end of the day as the sun sets, sensual and magnificent as it begun; we come home to accept who we have evolved into . God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the Difference.
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