Recap of Sexuality

As I contemplated my sexual encounters over the last five years or so...i was quite discouraged...after speaking with a guy I once loved. He came up twice for a booty call, and twice I blew him off. Lets face it, if I ever loved him, its over now. He threw me precariously to the winds when his wife pulled in his chain. He thinks of us as friends with benefits. I think he is selfish. Having his home and cake and eating it too. He thinks I am loose. He was the second person I ever loved. My first love was gentle. The third guy I never understood. Then my fourth, well cheated and lied to my heart. And now, I am 35. I had three quick affairs to satisfy my curiousity-one I will always appreciate and flattered. She was a nurse. To me sleeping with someone, actually means to sleep. To others it means having sex.

My family, my upbringing, my church, my friends influence my value system. I have learnt to accept my sexual desires and control it with masturbation. Now all I want is to lead a happy and undramatic life. Its about peace and not getting involved with folks who do not know what they want out of life and who the other person is. Love is seeing someone for who they really are and accepting them. Loving them for it. Not expecting change. I think I am complicated.