Affirmation of love: when someone tells you that they value and appreciates you.
Quality of time: when someone spends time and focus their attention on you.
Receiving Gifts: someone not only thinks and cares about you, but also shows it in a tangible way.
Service of love: when someone helps your load and carries some of your responsibilities.
Physical touch: when someone is physically touching you.
Five Languages of Apology
Expressing Regret: Saying Im sorry, an expression of sorrow to lessen the pain.
Accepting Responsibility: maturity with the apology, taking responsibility of the wrong action
Restitution: besides saying it, back it up with action
Genuinely Repenting: to make sure it does not occur again
Restoration: that person values the relationship and sincerely wants to restore it.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Existence and Faith
Death is the absence of life.
If you are willing to search your own heart and confess any wrong discovered, then you can feel at peace, even though you are not particularly happy with the situation at hand. You then can be a positive force for change, rather than compounding the problem with your attitude.
San n I have been to three couple counseling sessions (after being together for 4mth). 1. she is sending mix messages. 2. if i am unhappy why am i still here? 3. Storenbergs 3 legs of love: intimacy, passion, commitment. 4. Gary Chapman 5 languages of love.
Improvement within self
1)Having confessed your failures and accepted God’s forgiveness, ask your partner to forgive you. Then ask God to let you be His agent for loving your partner. Ask Him to fill you with His Spirit and His love.
2)Forget about your feelings. You do not have to feel anything to love your spouse. Feelings may change because of your actions, but feelings should not dictate your actions. Choose to love your mate, A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage no matter how you feel.
3)Express love to your mate by word or action once each day for the next month. Perhaps you could begin with a compliment each day for the next week.
Do not allow your mate’s reaction to stifle your love. Nothing your mate does can stop your love as long as you choose to love. Why stop when love is your greatest weapon for good and growth? 4)Consider the possibility of accepting in your mate some imperfection that has irritated you for years. If you decide to accept it, be sure to tell your mate. Such acceptance can be a positive step in your own emotional growth.
5)Few individuals can resist genuine, unconditional love for more than a year. Why not start today? Make this the greatest year of your marriage. Many have found that in less than a month, love has begotten love, and their whole marriage has been turned around.
Anger Management
We can process our anger in a productive manner. Here are five steps for moving from anger to positive, loving action.
1)Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Say the words out loud. “I am angry about this! Now what am I going to do?” Such a statement makes you aware of your own anger and also helps you recognize both your anger and the action you are going to take. You have set the stage for applying reason to your anger.
2)Restrain your immediate response. Avoid the common but destructive responses: verbal or physical venting, or their opposite, withdrawal and silence.
3)Locate the focus of your anger. What words or actions by the other person have made you experience anger? Whatever the cause of your anger, locate it. If the person has truly wronged you, identify the person’s sin. How has he or she wronged you? Then determine the seriousness
Hope for the Separated of the offense. Some wrongs are minor and some are major.Knowing its seriousness should affect your response.
4)Analyze your options. The response should be positive and loving. The two most constructive options are to lovingly confront the person or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.
5)Take constructive action.If you choose to “let the offense go,” then express this decision to God. Confess your anger and your willingness to turn the person over to the righteous and just God. Then release your anger to Him. If you choose to lovingly confront the person who has wronged you, do so gently. Listen to any explanation; it can give you a different perspective on the person’s actions and intentions. If the person admits that what he or she did was wrong and asks you to forgive, do so.
If you are willing to search your own heart and confess any wrong discovered, then you can feel at peace, even though you are not particularly happy with the situation at hand. You then can be a positive force for change, rather than compounding the problem with your attitude.
San n I have been to three couple counseling sessions (after being together for 4mth). 1. she is sending mix messages. 2. if i am unhappy why am i still here? 3. Storenbergs 3 legs of love: intimacy, passion, commitment. 4. Gary Chapman 5 languages of love.
Improvement within self
1)Having confessed your failures and accepted God’s forgiveness, ask your partner to forgive you. Then ask God to let you be His agent for loving your partner. Ask Him to fill you with His Spirit and His love.
2)Forget about your feelings. You do not have to feel anything to love your spouse. Feelings may change because of your actions, but feelings should not dictate your actions. Choose to love your mate, A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage no matter how you feel.
3)Express love to your mate by word or action once each day for the next month. Perhaps you could begin with a compliment each day for the next week.
Do not allow your mate’s reaction to stifle your love. Nothing your mate does can stop your love as long as you choose to love. Why stop when love is your greatest weapon for good and growth? 4)Consider the possibility of accepting in your mate some imperfection that has irritated you for years. If you decide to accept it, be sure to tell your mate. Such acceptance can be a positive step in your own emotional growth.
5)Few individuals can resist genuine, unconditional love for more than a year. Why not start today? Make this the greatest year of your marriage. Many have found that in less than a month, love has begotten love, and their whole marriage has been turned around.
Anger Management
We can process our anger in a productive manner. Here are five steps for moving from anger to positive, loving action.
1)Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Say the words out loud. “I am angry about this! Now what am I going to do?” Such a statement makes you aware of your own anger and also helps you recognize both your anger and the action you are going to take. You have set the stage for applying reason to your anger.
2)Restrain your immediate response. Avoid the common but destructive responses: verbal or physical venting, or their opposite, withdrawal and silence.
3)Locate the focus of your anger. What words or actions by the other person have made you experience anger? Whatever the cause of your anger, locate it. If the person has truly wronged you, identify the person’s sin. How has he or she wronged you? Then determine the seriousness
Hope for the Separated of the offense. Some wrongs are minor and some are major.Knowing its seriousness should affect your response.
4)Analyze your options. The response should be positive and loving. The two most constructive options are to lovingly confront the person or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.
5)Take constructive action.If you choose to “let the offense go,” then express this decision to God. Confess your anger and your willingness to turn the person over to the righteous and just God. Then release your anger to Him. If you choose to lovingly confront the person who has wronged you, do so gently. Listen to any explanation; it can give you a different perspective on the person’s actions and intentions. If the person admits that what he or she did was wrong and asks you to forgive, do so.
from Awakening: A Sufi Experience
Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan
"Meditators become like 'ambassadors of the Universe,' whose mission is to display the qualities of the Divine King or Queen to whom they have dedicated their lives in eternal service. Their personalities robed in the richness of the Being of the Universe, they display their royal attributes in the same way ambassadors display medals, ribbons, and uniforms."
"Training oneself to see things from the Divine point of view is key to understanding the essence of Sufism: it is the 'global compass' that offsets the personal vantage point, the 'true north' orienting one's direction in life. This is why the Sufis aim at downplaying their personal view in order to espy the Divine point of view."
"As ours is a way of light, the work we do as followers of the path of Sufism is to help others become conscious that they are beings of light. Just like a potter works with clay to shape a pot, work with light practices helps individuals become more luminous and radiant. Becoming more skilled in the art of illumination catalyzes transformation. How would the world be different if, for example, all of us were to reclaim our inheritance as members in a "tribe of light" who vow to bring enlightenment to all creation."
"You cannot bargain with God. If you value what you think you might have to give up, don't give it up, because you will find conflict within yourself. The whole of life is a covenant with the unknown. Nothing risked, nothing gained."
"The fire of resentment can only be extinguished by the light of forgiveness."
"You can only know yourself by earmarking the traces of God's being in your personality"
"It may well be that the meeting of spiritual paths — the assimilation not only of one’s personal spiritual heritage, but that of the human community as a whole — is the distinctive spiritual journey of our time."
"Meditators become like 'ambassadors of the Universe,' whose mission is to display the qualities of the Divine King or Queen to whom they have dedicated their lives in eternal service. Their personalities robed in the richness of the Being of the Universe, they display their royal attributes in the same way ambassadors display medals, ribbons, and uniforms."
"Training oneself to see things from the Divine point of view is key to understanding the essence of Sufism: it is the 'global compass' that offsets the personal vantage point, the 'true north' orienting one's direction in life. This is why the Sufis aim at downplaying their personal view in order to espy the Divine point of view."
"As ours is a way of light, the work we do as followers of the path of Sufism is to help others become conscious that they are beings of light. Just like a potter works with clay to shape a pot, work with light practices helps individuals become more luminous and radiant. Becoming more skilled in the art of illumination catalyzes transformation. How would the world be different if, for example, all of us were to reclaim our inheritance as members in a "tribe of light" who vow to bring enlightenment to all creation."
"You cannot bargain with God. If you value what you think you might have to give up, don't give it up, because you will find conflict within yourself. The whole of life is a covenant with the unknown. Nothing risked, nothing gained."
"The fire of resentment can only be extinguished by the light of forgiveness."
"You can only know yourself by earmarking the traces of God's being in your personality"
"It may well be that the meeting of spiritual paths — the assimilation not only of one’s personal spiritual heritage, but that of the human community as a whole — is the distinctive spiritual journey of our time."
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Labor Day Weekend Sept 1, 2007
Where did the time go? What did I do? Friday nite, i had my teeth whitened and then Robin came over for dinner. Saturday morning, I went to the police station to file a report on a stalker who has been leaving me dirty notes. San with her attitude of promising and forgetting drives down to drop off the note. We made up, she worked on my presentation, and later we went to a Pleasure Zone dinner at the Supper Club; 3 dishes in 4 hours, with lots of swingers etc... Lesson learnt is free tix should not always be accepted. Sunday, I went to the Oakland Arts and Soul Festival, and heard Lucinda Williams sing. That nite, Pals group had a party to welcome home Kim. Interesting nite, when drinks are flowing. I was flattered by two women. Monday, we lazily woke to washing, cleaning, and fixing San's car. Later we walked Billy and joined P & K for a bbq. San settled in with a movie and i cleaned house.
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