Movie with J

So J and I went to see a matinee movie together last Sunday (May11). The movie was "What Happened in Vegas." with Ashton and Cameron. When it was done, we walked Billy around the block and talked. But it felt awkward, like our brief pizza lunch, too quiet not enough emotional connection-serious with sprinkles of laughter. Like we were deciding if we should be friends or more than that-trying to read each others personality.
I drove her back to her place and she disappeared into the house. Not sure if it was something i said or did. She is big on manners. Maybe it was how i answer her question, do i liked foreign films; it was too long winded. from now on, short answers is better. maybe she was deciding whether or not to invite me in for another movie or sometime during the week. she has asked me out this weekend. hmmm

Not theshape of my heart Sting

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesnt play for the money he wins
He doesnt play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart
Thats not the shape, the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
Youd maybe think theres something wrong
Im not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who smile are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart
Thats not the shape of my heart

Childhood Dreams

What are my interests? what are my talents? what can i learn and what comes natural to me? what are some of my charming traits? do i have manners? what did i long to do when i was little?

when i was lil i loved the great outdoors with its sun, wind, and rain. i would shrink myself and be part of miniature planet.

i would read more fiction and dream i was one of the characters in the book. i was a foreign princess that could speak at least 5 languages.

i would dream in colors. i had no boundaries and drew my own lines. if someone says something, i would ask myself why not? i do not conform but i do want to be accepted. i remember being alone but not lonely. today i am an adult more realistic but still idealistic. i am still adventurous and exploratory. the plane and car is my escape to other worlds. the people i sit and listen are my storytellers. the music and movies are my escape to dream worlds. when i remember how the world was when i was lil and how it is now, it is remarkable that in my lifetime it has gone from 8 track tapes to ipods and broadband radio waves. once it was reaching for the moon now its to mars and beyond available to the common people. we are researching diseases like alzhemeir and aids whereas before we were not even aware of its origins.

What is forgiveness

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness in these situations means thinking about the person as if the offense never took place. That is extremely difficult to do. The offended spouse usually thinks, what can he or she do to make it up to me. How can I be compensated for the pain I've suffered.

To make matters worse, whenever a wayward spouse sees me for counseling there is rarely regret and rarely a willingness to compensate the offended spouse. They usually ask to be forgiven, but that doesn't mean he or she is deeply remorseful. It usually means that he or she doesn't want us to bring up the subject anymore, or require a change in behavior. In other words, the wayward spouse wants the pain suffered by the offended spouse to be ignored or forgotten. Like a $10,000 debt, they want it forgiven, and then they want to borrow another $10,000.